Down Comes the Rain
by Fairytale Warrior
Summary: "People said that in time wounds healed and became easier to bear but this one had not done so. Blood gushed from it without disinclination showing no signs of stopping and Merlin found himself praying that he'd bleed to death" Merlin angst/whump if I'm not lazy.
1. Breathing Emotion

**I feel like there's something about this that I should saaaaay. Well it takes place in S3E9, somewhere in that episode. Little twist is that Uther isn't the one who get's poisoned. I'll give cats to those who can guess it. (shouldn't be that hard to guess)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

Night had befallen Camelot some time ago, leaving it in dripping shadow and shielding the rain from view. It thundered down as though with the intention of beating the ground further away. As though it wanted to fall even further. The clouds had amassed an army of fat droplets and had chosen to set them all free with loose restraint. A few torches fought against the angry downpour with weak, flickering flames that illuminated each drop close enough to befall its light. In those split seconds that the drops were touched by light they twisted with the reflection of fire and absorbed a semblance of life that was taken to their empty bellies and nursed for hardly a moment. But then the drops would crash into the cobble stones and shatter all life within.

They hit the ground and died.

The streets of Camelot's great city were lain bare and naked to the unforgiving weather, no soul wanting to be caught in such sorry conditions. The people stayed tucked away, warm and safe in their homes while the skies wept. Only the guards could be found outside pressed against walls and stuck under arches or around dwindling fires, forced to face the beating rain.

The front courtyard of the mighty castle was just as lonely as the rest of the city, cobble stones glittering with the wet blankets provided by the downpour as puddles grew(1).

The figure sitting on the front steps simply made the scene all the more somber.

The colors of it's clothing too soaked through to be seen in the darkness illuminated by weak torchlight, the indiscernible man sat in static silence lost in the morose maze that had become his thoughts.

Merlin sucked in a long breath and released it into the cold, bitter night air. It billowed out in front of him as twirling white smoke, dancing in the rain and curling around itself in eye-catching ways but he paid no mind to it. He was tired, hadn't slept right for weeks as nightmares plagued his dreams like poison. The servant felt little need to eat, hunger escaping him and making him forget about food all together. He ate things here and there to keep himself going but nothing was consumed that could be considered a full meal. Gaius was too busy with his lover to notice and even if he hadn't been Merlin had become an expert at being deceptive. Might it be added that said lover, Alice, was harboring a dangerous Manticore and possibly wanted to kill the King?

The elder man's unyielding trust in her and refusal to have faith in Merlin's words stung far more than the young warlock could say.

_You wouldn't understand it, Merlin,_ Gaius said, as though Merlin _hadn't_ watched his one and only love die in his arms. Merlin knew more about it than Gaius probably did. Each time he thought of how the elder man had reported Freya's whereabouts to the King the air was knocked out of him and his heart writhed in pain. A man he trusted most in this new life had betrayed him in such a way. So many options had been open for Gaius to take but he chose the worst. Merlin could think of a few that would have been perfectly effective and used to wonder why his guardian had not chosen any of them. It made a little more sense now, though, since it had become obvious with Alice's arrival that the old man didn't trust Merlin as much as he'd first assumed. The teen had nothing against him, cared for Gaius no less than ever but that didn't stop the wounds from bringing him a pain like no other.

A burning sensation filled his stomach and he cringed in pain, clenching his fists and bearing no notice to the quivering of his battered body. If he wasn't so numb the bruises Arthur had delivered during training might actually still hurt.

Soaked to the bone the young warlock turned his gaze up to the skies without care for the droplets of rain that fell into his half-lidded eyes.

Merlin would never know how dead his eyes looked.

It was a year ago today that Freya passed away, leaving him alone in the world once again. He could feel his magic crying inside him, the companion that it had found gone as it had been for the past 12 months. Freya haunted his mind for weeks after her death and there were times when he still thought of her. The rose he'd conjured beautiful in her hands, the smile on her face a prize compared to no other, her kindness analogous to no one. Merlin had truly, truly loved her with every fiber of his being.

He still loved her with everything that he was.

He'd always love her.

Nothing would ever change that.

People said that in time wounds healed and became easier to bear but this one had not done so. Blood gushed from it without disinclination, showing no signs of stopping and Merlin found himself praying that he'd bleed to death.

His heart could take no more of the blows it was being dealt, to lose both the love of his life and his father in the same year had broken him. His stomach writhed in pain and Merlin drew into himself as his magic began to reflect that pain, bringing heat to his forehead. The very core of his being, his soul, was suffering.

"_Merlin!_" the familiar shout of his name, laced with irritation, was followed by a harsh thwack on the back of the head as Arthur made his presence known. He'd been in a meeting with his father and the rest of the council since evening, discussing the rising tension on Cenrid's boarder and attempting to come to a proper conclusion as the opposing man had been pushing the line between his land and Camelot's, killing farmers, merchants, and anyone else who dared step foot in the wrong place at the wrong time. There were arguments on whether or not they should take up his provocations to war or to find some other way and due to this the meeting had lasted considerably longer than expected. This meant that the prince was tired and irritable, in no mood to go searching for his servant but being forced to do so despite such.

He'd been searching for Merlin not long before coming across the front castle doors and noticing that one was cracked. Interest piqued, the blond had stuck his head around the door and seen his servant's figure on the steps. With Arthur being the prince and Merlin his servant he should not hold any concern for the elephant-eared individual, he couldn't afford to. But he just could not ignore the prickling concern that had hit him upon seeing his servant hunched on the steps as though he was part of the night and rain itself; he certainly blended in well enough.

Calling his name several times had done nothing to reach him and it had finally taken this whap on the head to get the teen's attention.

"What?" Merlin asked looking as tired as he sounded. He should have been surprised to see Arthur there as he hadn't heard the other's approach but really he just couldn't bring up the energy to even care about it.

Arthur scowled at him for a brief moment before grabbing his servant by the arm and hauling him back indoors, ignoring all of the others surprised protests as he did so.

"Where the _hell_ have you _been_?" he demanded once again protected by the Castle's stable body.

Soaking wet Merlin's face became confused, as though Arthur had just asked him for an answer to life itself. Puddles were rapidly growing beneath him and the paleness of his face seemed to strike the prince who found his concern rising at the apparent trembling of his companion.

"And _what on earth _happened to you?" Arthur made a show of looking the brown haired teen up and down with an incredulous expression on his face.

Merlin simply mimicked another innocently confused expression, "nothing, I'm fine."

The prince raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing a word of it.

"Yeah, of course you are. Is that why you still haven't answered my question?" he sat back on his heels and crossed his arms over his chest.

It looked as though Merlin might have a legitimate response for a moment, mouth open and eyes seeming clearer as he prepared to speak before the servant stopped and a sheepish looked crossed his eyes as he swallowed.

"What question was that?" he asked.

"Right," Arthur nodded, "let's go then." He turned and began walking away with Merlin following behind.

"Arthur, your room is the other way," his servant pointed out from over his shoulder.

"Very good, Merlin, it's nice to see that some part of your brain is still working," the blond prince praised sarcastically.

Merlin ignored it and continued, "then-"

Before he could finish Arthur stopped and turned to face him, "we're going to Gaius's chambers because clearly there's something you're not telling me and your of no use to me half dead like this."

"What? Arthur, I already told you I'm fine," his stubborn servant insisted.

"Oh are you now? I suppose then you're prepared to set me up a bath?"

Merlin hesitated, a flash of alarm moving through his eyes. That was all Arthur needed to be convinced and he made to turn around again before his friend suddenly fell to his knees, arms wrapped around his stomach and face contorted into agony.

The pain hit Merlin hard, knocking the breath from his body and forcing him to his knees. It felt as though his entire body was on fire and his stomach was swimming in acid- the experience so powerful that the world around him completely disappeared. In an effort to reduce the agony he clutched his arms around his abdomen and ignored Arthur's call, accepting darkness as it corkscrewed towards him.

**(1) This face says I care about whether or not it can be called a courtyard -_- **

**Ok, I've corrected it. You're free to do as you like, comment or no comment XD**

**I want to add that I have STARTED the next chapter and I would post it but its like a page or so long. Not enough to be a chappy yet, besides it's not even finished entirely. I don't know if it'll be soon or a long time before I get to actually posting it though, I didn't expect so much love for this .o. I look forward to writing more soon! **


	2. Death's Disease

**Reviews: (well color me impressed .o.)**

**IndiaMoore: XD I'm glad you like it, hope this chapter is just as satisfying as the first.**

**TheCresantMoonWolf: I swear, you're the only one that reads the rest of my fanfiction and not just Demon's Tail XD I updated! :D Same, I feel so sorry for the guy though. XD **

**Mika271170: Stuff. Stuff is happening to Merlin ._. XD I'm glad you like, thanks for the review **

**Ruby890: Gracias**

**Huphuggers2: *throws the chapter at you* take iiittttt!**

**TeganL74: It's delish indeed. Seriously, I get pleanty of rain where I'm from, writing about it's like second nature XD Haha, glad you liked. Hope this satisfies the craving for now ;)**

**TheImpossiblePen: Thank you, I'm glad to hear that you like it. **

**JelloGirl323: XD I feel like not much has changed in this chapter compared to the last one. He's still friggn miserable.**

**April29Roses: Thanks, I'm glad you like. **

**MamzelleHermy: yay~ I seem to get that a lot with my writing, people say it's an original style. Hope this chapter is just as good as the first!**

**I swear to god I'll start writing these authors notes in Spanish O.O (though I'm not sure why I feel the need to…) ¡GRACIAS POR LOS COMENTARIOS!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Alice hadn't wanted to hurt the poor boy, in fact she saw through his eyes a soul so full of pain that her instinctual need to heal flared considerably. He held a kindness that he seemed to not know of, a power he could not be proud of. She saw no thought for himself in those round blue orbs. She saw a young adult who fought tooth and nail to protect the people around him, even if it meant preserving a time of old for the prince he served. Even if it meant saving a man he should surly hate with every ounce of his being. But bless the boy, he hated himself-_ loathed_ his very existence and seemed to not think of his own preservation. Oh how she wanted to cry for him, to tell him it was alright, comfort him. Something about the way he moved, the way he observed the world around him made her protective of him and she realized that somehow she'd already begun to think of him both as a son and a patient. Alice had quickly tried to squash the feeling after realization had struck but it was like a fire feeding on oil and she was attempting to put it out with a thin blanket.

The healer didn't want to kill him.

She'd become a saint following the laws of a devil, shackled by it's power. And that devil told her Merlin would be a hindrance to their plan, that if she didn't poison him with the Manticore's venom he'd use her body to kill Gaius for ruining it's strategy. Left with no other choice Alice had forced her heavy limbs, hands laden with lead to insert the liquid death into an apple using a needle. She'd then asked Gaius to give it to him, saying she thought he would not take it should she attempt to give it to him herself because she felt unwelcome.

It seemed that Merlin had only just recently decided it was time to eat the apple and since the Manticore's poison was too deceptive to be tasted he would not have realized what had happened until he found himself standing on the other side. Alice could only take pleasure in this one horrible, bitter detail- knowing that the child would die quickly, a reassurance that wasn't painted by suspicion.

It seemed though, that nothing in her life could ever be trusted to stay that way. She lived upside down and backwards in her beliefs now-a-days, turned over again and again like a pair of dice in the hands of evil. Nothing was ever peaceful and nothing ever stayed the same.

A blond man about the same age as Merlin who she recognized to be the King's altruistic son had burst through the chamber's door and shouted for Gaius with urgency in his voice unbefitting for that of a prince speaking of his servant.

She'd watched as he was brought it, slung over the prince's shoulder and lain onto Gaius' bed. The man with whom she'd fallen in love with so long ago examined the boy, the prince stepping back to give him room though still close enough in proximity to be called upon should his help be required. Alice's heart broke at the sound of struggle coming from the boy's body, his chest jerking up and down and muscles clenching as she forced herself to move. Merlin was soaked through like he'd been sitting outside for the better part of 3 hours and judging from his more recent behavior he probably had been.

"Alice, get me some wolfsbane. Arthur, I need a bucket of cold water and a cloth," Gaius instructed, no longer caring about titles and respect (1). As she turned to fetch what was required of her she heard the rapid steps of the blond prince fading with the physicians old voice chasing after him, "hurry or we'll loose him!"

She had never wanted this.

* * *

Pain was a distant memory to the awakening boy.

Like paint on a piece of paper that fades as the water washes it away. He struggled to force air into his battered lungs and found himself releasing strange wheezes as he did so. His ribs were sore, feeling like bruises beaten black and blue and a sharp pain in his chest made his breathing stagger.

A chair beside him creaked, chainmail settling and clanking loud enough to make him flinch. The person sitting vigil at his side tucked away a breath of their own and held it in their lungs as silence filled the room once again. Merlin waited for something to happen but nothing did.

Not until fingers pressed themselves into his neck with a type of unexpected urgency one would expect a man loosing his dearest friend would use. His lungs burned with the desire to be filled with air again and only then did Merlin realize he'd stopped breathing and granted his bodies need.

A sigh of relief filled the air.

Despite already being closed his eyes felt heavy and stung as though he'd never shut them. His skin crawled as sweat cradled his face and soaked through his clothes. A tickle in his throat provoked a cough that became a weak hack that became ragged breathing, wheezing in the musty smell of dusk. Every sound, every movement, every action that covered the vicinity around him was heard and amplified ten-fold.

Exhausted, Merlin missed the sound of approaching footsteps amongst a sea of other sounds and clenched his teeth as words were exchanged.

"He's gotten no better," a voice reported, likely the one at his side.

There was a hesitation before the other said, "then we must hope that this brings about some improvement. Grab his nose for me, please." Fingers clamped down on his nose and Merlin struggled to move away and get out from underneath the sick haze he was in so he could figure out what was going on. Something cold, smooth, and round touched his lips and he jerked a little in surprise. "Easy Merlin," the second voice soothed, comfortingly ancient, "drink this." Merlin let out a little wheeze of protest, wanting not to drink the foul tasting liquid that poured over his tongue but the voice would not let him. "Come on, you must drink it," it urged and poured more into his mouth. His gag reflex was hit and Merlin was really given no other choice but to follow his orders and drink the obscene liquid.

The pressure on his nose lifted and Merlin shifted uncomfortably in the sheets, resuming his struggle to breath. He could feel two pairs of eyes watching him closely and swallowed under the weight of their expecting gazes. It was as though they anticipated him to recover with a snap of their fingers and he felt his body's pain actually ease up a bit. But it wasn't enough to show significant signs of improvement.

"Well, if this works we should see improvement over the next few hours. Until then I'll have Gwen monitor him for me, sire, you need rest as well."

"No, I'll be fine here," refused the first voice, "it's partly my fault for overworking him anyway." Why was Merlin so stunned to find such sincerity in that tone?

"Sire, it is important that you get some rest. You'll be of no use to the Kingdom if you collapse from exhaustion."

"Same to you, Gaius."

Silence followed where neither Gaius nor the prince moved.

Wait, prince? Where had he gotten that word from.

"Are you worried about that sorcerer as well?" the prince asked quietly, oddly humble.

There was surprised hesitation in the air before Gaius said, "why would I be, sire?"

"You look at her like you know her well Gaius, don't try and fool me."

A few heartbeats of hesitation. "My apologies but I do not understand what it is you mean. If you'll excuse me I must get back to work sire, I'll bring Gwen in shortly."

"_Gaius_," the second voice strained the name with an exasperated tone but got no response back.

A feeling of discomfort pushed through Merlin's senses, as though his magic was trying to warn him of something. He sucked in a slow but deep breath and pulled his shoulders back a bit and he shifted on the sheets, trying once again to reach some form of comfort. Only the sounds of Merlin's struggle filled the room for quite some time and in that time the serving boy felt himself slipping. It was as though trying to keep a grip on a rope when your hands were covered in butter. No matter how many times he refreshed his grip he just went down a little more and before Merlin recognized how far down he'd gone he'd already met blackness.

* * *

Bells.

He could hear the loud, reverberating sound of bells, more specifically the castle's alarm bells. They were screaming into the night reports of an escaped prisoner and Merlin could feel his head scream right along with it.

A low groan escaped his lips and the rustle of cloth sounded beside him. His brow was dabbed with a soft fabric and the scent of flowers reached him before the cool texture was taken from his forehead.

"Gaius?" a feminine voice called out. Footsteps neared and there was the sound of a latch being lifted followed by the groan of an opening door. "What's going on? What's happened?"

Gaius must have shaken his head because there was no answer for a few moments.

"I do not know. But I'm sure if it's something dangerous we will hear of it shortly," he informed, deceptively calm.

"Of course," the feminine voice wandered into oblivion and silence as the rustle of fabric approached Merlin's bedside. A wrinkled old hand was pressed into his troubled brow a moment later and the young warlock shifted restlessly, praying for the loud blare of the mighty bells to stop. Without his noticing another groan slipped past his lips and he turned his head to the side. "He's really not doing well, is he?"

"Merlin's certainly been better," agreed Gaius, "but he is stronger than he seems. In time he'll come around."

"Gaius, this isn't an ordinary disease," protested the feminine voice, "if it was he would have recovered days ago. Please, just tell me what's wrong."

For a few minutes Gaius did not respond, as if wondering what to say.

"Gaius, _please_."

"I cannot say if I do not know myself, Gwen."

Stunned silence.

"But surely there must be something in one of your books."

The splash of water broke through silent pondering and Merlin felt the cool cloth brush down his neck and over his collar bone in an effort to tame the heat as the teen felt himself being dragged away by the need to sleep.

"There is nothing. Not in any of mine."

Darkness came down on Merlin with the weight of a thousand suns.

**Ok, to those who can guess what's making the poison so much worse for Merlin than it was for Uther gets a cat AND a bunny o_o I'm srs. **

**I have a feeling that Alice is better at reading people than Gaius because for one thing, she's a woman and another, being a sorcerer I think reading another magic user should be relatively easier for her since she's fresher in such an art than Gaius.**

**If that makes sense?**

**(1) The first person to tell that wolfsbane is for open bleeding wounds is going to get puked on. Not that critism isn't unwelcome, just that I already know thanks. I'd look it up but really, do you care **_**that**_** much?**


	3. The Cure

**Reviews:**

**H2OSorceress: yw~ thanks for reviewing!**

**Ana: *hesitates and looks around* 'huge' huh? We'll see. The story's supposed to meld into sorta friendship and then fade out. But I like the idea of putting something else in there to spice it up. He hasn't died because the poison isn't whats causing the problem anymore, something else is fueling the illness ;) OI! *throws dill, anise, yarrow, burdock, etc at you* I actually researched shit for this chapter XD lemme a lone XD **

**Hiphuggers2: Holy fudge sounds tasty….I want :L Bah! You were supposed to feel sorta-ish sympathetic with what I first wrote for that chapter! XD **

**TheCresantMoonWolf: I know, life is just mean to him. I don't think I could ever abandon a story, when I was younger yeah, but not really now. We'll have to see how far this takes us though since I'm not quite used to long, complicated, full fledged stories. If I really think I could make this thing last and pull all sorts of tricks on people but it really depends on time for me. Awww, thank you so much :D I'm glad that my stories are so loved. (Except for the Chrono Crusade one. That one is shit XD I need to take that thing down already.) **

**JelloGirl323:**

**l****、****Congrats! You get a cat! I'd give you the bunny too but his magic is only part**

**（ﾟ､****｡****７****of the problem. There's another part, the first and foremost cause. I guess **

**l****、ﾞ****ヽ****the roots of where the illness came from. He won't, he'll just come **

**じし****f_, )****ノ****REALLY freaking close.**

**IndiaMoore: Thank you **

**"l****、****Yep, but only part of it his magic. There's a deeper issue, as I said in **

**（ﾟ､****｡****７****the review before yours. It could have been but in this case the does was**

**l****、ﾞ****ヽ****the same. It served more as a spark to a pool of alcohol. But you got it **

**じし****f_, )****ノ****half right so congrats! Have a cat!**

**TeganL74: ^ ^; not much happened really. But you flatter me *bows* I'm here to please~ Good to know that I got that all right, I was almost afraid I'd gotten characteristics wrong. thank you I'm glad you liked it~**

**Aaaaaand a cat for you!**

**"l****、****There's more to it than just his magic though, it didn't start there. It's **

**（ﾟ､****｡****７****easy as that ;)**

**l****、ﾞ****ヽ**

**じし****f_, )****ノ**

**April29Roses: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! I've somehow gotten pretty good at that kind of thing. I hope this chapter works to your satisfaction as well~**

**Natcel: Thank you, the chapter's a little later than I would have liked but here we are. Enjoy!**

**MamzelleHermy: Thank you, thank you! I kind of wanted to bring people to pity her a bit and present the audience with more light to the part of her so loved by Gaius. She's not to blame, the manticore is. Well, her foolishness is partly to blame but still, I like to think that she's a gentle woman caught up in something unfortunate. Come to think of it I still need to explain what happened with the manticore….**

**"l****、**

**（ﾟ､****｡****７**

**l****、ﾞ****ヽ**

**じし****f_, )****ノ****DING, congrats you get a cat! I'd give you a bunny too but only part of it is his magic. There's an original source bringing him all this pain and that one will be a little harder to heal. Yeah I had little breaks in the original document but fanfiction deleted them for some reason the problems been fixed though :D**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own all the magics (sarcasm plz) **

Arthur scowled in obvious frustration, almost seeming to growl like a bear in face of the foul weather and his even profaner week.

A sorcerer working with Gaius had poisoned his servant, almost poisoned his father before a guard caught her, and then escaped just last night. In doing so had left his servant on the brink of death without any possible solution on how to fight back the supposed illness.

And now it was raining again.

What a joyous week this was.

His boots stomped down the halls as he made his way to Gaius's chambers, a book tucked under his arm. It had no title and after quickly breezing through it he'd discovered there were no spells or signs of magic of any kind inside. A part of the prince had felt guilty suspecting Gaius the way he was, after all it had been the elder that had asked him to retrieve the book from Alice's confiscated belongings. The physician hoped there was something in the herbal literature that would help them with Merlin's illness.

Arthur could hardly help himself from being suspicious of him, though. It was obvious that Gaius cared for the woman regardless of her faults, it was clear in his eyes. The prince's assumptions were helped significantly in the fact that he had seen such an expression on his face before as well, it crossed his eyes every time he thought of Gwen. Maybe that was also why he never reported Gaius's behavior to his father; because it wasn't just about having little to no evidence. Not to mention his eternal loyalty and devotion to the royal family.

The prince resisted the urge to sigh, now only a few minutes away from the physician's chambers. He'd have to deal with this problem some other time, right now Merlin came first. At the start of this whole mess Gaius had said that Merlin had been poisoned with something but then, a few days after he'd supposedly given his ward an antidote the blue eyed servant showed no signs of improvement.

Arthur briefly tightened his fist around the old book in his hands. There was still this faint voice off in the back of his head that continued to argue with him, seeming only to point out that he was a prince, he shouldn't be so concerned about his servant in this way when said man was under his concern. But Merlin, in all his stumbling foolishness and complete inadequacy as a servant had somehow managed to become something of a companion to Arthur in the years he'd been working as his manservant.

Swallowing he reached the door to Gaius's chambers and pulled it open, not bothering to knock at all as he entered and began scouring the room for the charcoal haired man he'd become so familiar with. It didn't take long before Gaius waddled down the steps from Merlin's room and hurried over to the prince to take the bound book.

"Thank you, sire, your help is appreciated," the old man said distractedly, already opening the book and flipping through its pages. Seeing as how his only conscious company was now engrossed into the written word, Arthur found himself without anything to do. Literally, he had nothing left on his agenda for the day that needed to get tending to.

Once again resisting the urge to sigh he found his boots leading him towards Merlin's room. The blond prince stopped just at the door and looked over to the other end of the room where his loyal servant lay in a struggling heap of sweat and death, squirming restlessly beneath the sheets. It was as though watching a man sleep on a bed of freshly heated coals only without the screams of agony and smell of smoke and burning flesh. Pace set at a brisk walk he made his way to his friend's side and looked over him more carefully. Merlin's face was pale and his black hair stuck to his sweaty face, only pronouncing the lack of color in his features. There was this look of pain in his facial muscles, drawn taught together and the wheeze in his breath had gotten considerably worse.

Merlin didn't have much time left.

Arthur was no physician but that much was obvious. The thought made him tense up and with a troubled frown he took up the chair at his servant's side. Folding his hands over each other and letting his elbows rest on his knees he settled his chin down on rough knuckles. He must have been watching the man squirm under the sheets for about ten minutes before he heard a shout from Gaius.

"I've got it!" Arthur was out of his seat and in the main chambers faster than he could process thought, peering over the book Gaius held and trying to decipher all the medical mumbo-jumbo on the page. This was far more complicated than the other books he'd used to breeze through as a child being taught first aid but at the moment that hardly mattered.

"You found a cure?" he asked.

Gaius nodded, hope in his eyes and a concentrated frown on his face and he read off the ingredients he'd need more to himself than his audience; "Yarrow, mint, dill, anise, burdock, some lungwort leaves." Arthur listened as Gaius trailed off and set the book down, wanting oh so badly to question the old man but knowing he was already too caught up in his own thoughts and that was definitely a bad sign for Merlin. If Gaius was in such a hurry then the man really didn't have much time left at all. "I'll have to do some Bloodletting and collect some more horehound and comfrey," the old man muttered as he began to set out the needed materials.

Maybe it was knowing how hard it would be to find an appropriate servant to do the job at such a late hour when most had already gone home or maybe it was understanding that no time could be given to fetch Gwen to do the job herself-hell, maybe he was simply jittery about being so useless while his best servant(-friend) was knocking on death's door at that very moment. Whatever the case may be Arthur found himself speaking before he could really think about the issue much.

"I can fetch horehound and comfrey," he told Gaius.

The elder seemed grateful for his offer but appeared hesitant, as though he didn't want the prince to put himself in danger. This wasn't like the time Merlin had been poisoned, however, they had less time and the only risk to Arthur were the natural night crawlers and maybe a few bandits. But the chances of either causing a problem were small.

"Gaius, there isn't anyone else to do this job. I still remember what these herbs look like and there's nothing out there that I can't protect myself from. Just tell me where they are and how much you need," the blonde prince insisted. The physician's shoulders relaxed a bit before he quickly returned to setting up his work space.

"You can find comfrey just outside the west wall and horehound can be located a ways southeast from there. Fill these pouches with as much as you can," he held out two pocket sized leather bags to him "you must hurry, Merlin won't last much longer." Arthur was already out the door and jogging to the stables.

* * *

It felt so much as though someone had a firm grasp on his lungs, keeping him from breathing much more than little gasps. It was almost like trying to breathe through the little cracks in a man's taut fist (1). Blood rushed through his ears and burned his skin, Merlin's entire body felt as though it had been lit in cold fire. His ribs ached and his muscles felt bruised. Even as detached as he was, barely registering where he lay or what was be going on he could still ear the punctuated sounds of frantic movement outside his little world of pain.

The creak of a scale, scrape of glass, the grind of seeds, leaves, and other ingredients in a mortar, he could make out the sound of liquids being poured. It felt as though every sound was amplified ten times the normal amount and then also sped up somewhat.

He couldn't imagine why he felt so concerned every time he heard a spell muttered or what was so disturbing about the rustle of pages.

It was indiscernible, how long he'd been listening before darkness consumed him. But even as he dreamed Merlin felt a sense of pollution burn into him. Even as his subconscious spun nightmares of Freya screaming as she fell into a blood filled lake with spears, swords, and various unmentionables protruding from it's depths. His mind haunted him with images of his father being eaten alive, torn apart as Merlin stood by watching. Glued to the spot and unable to move no matter how much he wanted to. Darkness seeped into his very core as he witnessed Will's public dissection.

His magic wasn't the only thing blackening with each dream, Merlin's very soul was writhing. It was almost as though being wrapped by a python whose scales produced toxic grease that rubbed against you and dissolved your skin. But rather than feeling like two different pieces with one struggling for freedom and the other aiming to kill it seemed more like they were fused. They were one thing and no matter how much he thrashed he couldn't escape from himself.

His poisoned magic was trying to kill him.

**Ok, I have my doubts about Arthur's little bits of inner turmoil too but really, he was raised with a belief for god knows how long. (how old is he again?) The guy's gotta have that drilled pretty hard into his head, I mean , think of all the servant's he's brought to battle with him and how many of them have come back? He's probably lost enough of them, maybe not a lot but enough to bring about that little voice. Hopefully that fits and stuff.**

**(1) Come on, Merlin's sorta dying here XD he'd allowed to think weird things. And yeah, that sentence is weird on purpose, I know what it's like to think about really odd things in a state of half sleep.**

**And now I have to do traaash. Oh yeah, could someone tell me how things are going as far as characterization? I haven't watched any Merlin episodes in a while so I'm not sure if I'm getting it all right **

**EDIT: *grumbles* i swear to god, fanfiction...ruining my cats...taking out lines... ._. Am I the only person who struggles with the kinds of things? XD**

**EDIT 11/1/12: *cries* I've NO idea when in god's name I'll be able to continue this and trust me when I say there is _NOTHING _I'd rather do right now than write the next chappy because it has all of my favorite parts in it T-T I just want everyone to know that; no, I'm not abandoning this story. Yes, it will continue in due time. Perhaps if we get any snow this year and I get to have a break from school I'll be able to give it a go. I'm really sorry that this has to happen, I'd hoped to get this whole thing done by the end of October but I'm sure you've all noticed that it's barely been touched in a few weeks. *Exasperated sigh* Keep an eye out for updates! I'll return as soon as I am able!**


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